Beyond Shame: Healing from Masturbation Addiction - Santos 21

“It was a way of discovering my body’s sexual desire.”

Honestly, masturbation has been a part of me for quite some time. I discovered this during my teenage years. It felt like a regular “part of growing up”, as I would phrase it. It was a way of discovering my body’s sexual desire and a fast way to get sexual pleasure.

Understanding my triggers

Porn was a significant influence on my habit. The availability of pornographic content on the internet made me spend most of my time browsing and downloading them. So whenever I was bored at home, I would watch them and then pleasure myself till I was satisfied.

The effect

It took a dark turn when it was all I could think about. I was in class and fantasizing about what I had previously watched. It would also lead me to come late to class because I had to head to the toilet to sort out my masturbation urge. It affected my relationship because I didn’t have time for my girlfriend, and she even thought I was cheating.

Confession

Now, my girlfriend came across porn on my phone and was mad about this. Since I did not want to lose her, I had to confess to her about the porn and masturbation. Luckily she was understanding, and we deeply discussed my sexual urges and what draws me into watching porn and masturbating. We came to some understanding that it was more my anxiety about sex and loneliness that had driven me to this habit that was hindering my personal growth.

Willingness to change

I had to replace my old habits with something helpful. I would avoid alone time that ended up with me masturbating by engaging in outdoor activities and hanging out with friends. I had to avoid watching any pornographic material that usually triggered me to such.

You can always bounce back.

Masturbation might seem like a nice thing to do, but a long-time addiction might impact your relationship and body. For me, avoiding sexual triggers like pornographic content helped me overcome this. I also had a supporting partner with whom I would talk about what I wanted, and we could devise a solution together. Stopping addiction is always a journey, but being willing to change is always the start.