From Pleasure to Problem, The Dark Side of Masturbation - Jamie 24

Long distance relationship

My experience with masturbation started when my girlfriend moved out of my town of residence. When she was around, we used to have sex regularly (protected, of course), and it was great. But this time, it was different. She was far away, and I missed the sexual intimacy.

She gave me the material I needed

She used to send me her nudes, and we regularly engaged in sexting. They were stimulating, and I felt like I couldn't control myself. One day, the sexting was not enough, so we videoed. During the video call, we both got naked and engaged in video sex. To relieve myself from the sexual tension I was feeling, I masturbated. It was interesting to me the first time. I loved it. From then, any time I received a sext or a nude from her, I masturbated.

I wanted more

It felt friendly and excellent. I enjoyed it. It became my habit. Anytime I went to the bathroom, I did it. Whenever I saw something suggestive or provocative, I had to do it. Sometimes I felt guilty, but I was unable to stop. I did it anytime I felt like anyways. It was a habit now. I didn't even have to think about it before I did it. It was funny how I found myself doing the act.

Enough is enough

Once, I tried it in a washroom at church. That's when I realised this addiction was leading me astray. I couldn't stop it, but I thought of controlling it. So anytime I wanted to, or when I felt like, I denied myself the zeal to. I tried thought-blocking to control it. It worked, but not all the time. I again tried another technique. This time a practical one.

I knew when to seek help.

I reached out to a male friend, and he was very understanding. He told me that it was nothing to be ashamed of and that it was good that I had reached out. He said to me that talking to a professional counsellor would help as it had for his porn addiction. I went to a hospital and saw a counsellor. At first, I was nervous, but like my friend, he understood me and did not judge me. He told me that the brain releases good feelings hormones when someone masturbates, which could lead to addiction. I was surprised because I thought it was just a bad habit.

I did it, and so can you.

Slowly, I began the journey to quit masturbation. I would find myself doing it sometimes, but I did not give up. The habit that had disturbed me for a while faded away, and I can now stand tall and say that 'masturbation has no control over me'. If you feel like you are in the same place I was, know it is okay to seek help, and you can overcome it just like I did.