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Overcoming masturbation -Immanuel 20

“…but I knew it was time for me to seek help.”

It is now a month since the day I last visited my counsellor. My counselling journey moulded me into the man I am today. In the beginning, I was nervous, but eventually, I admitted my struggles with masturbation and relationship issues. It was difficult to open up to a stranger, but I knew it was time for me to seek help. The counsellor, a warm and understanding person, greeted me with a smile. This gave me a sense of relief and comfort.

My struggle with masturbation

I began to share my story, stumbling over my words at first, but as I continued, the weight on my chest seemed to lift. I talked about the shame I felt surrounding masturbation and how it had impacted my relationships.  I shared that I had noticed my lack of time for my partner given that I had an option "b"; all I had for her was lame excuses such as, " I’m not in the mood ".  I expressed my fear of judgment and my worries about being "broken" or undesirable.

Enough is enough

After some time, our relationship became confrontational. We would meet and mostly argue. After every argument we were both left frustrated and low. I felt like she was not understanding me in the way I wanted to be understood. I could not communicate to her that I was struggling with my sexuality internally. I feared that if I communicated that I was masturbating, they would leave me or, worse, tell me to stop. After a couple of weeks of consistent arguments day in and day out, my partner finally had had enough. “If you can’t talk to me, then could you talk to a counsellor because I cannot continue like this.” Her words echoed in my mind. she was right; I loved her, and I wanted to get help for the benefit of our relationship.

Counsellor reassures me

As I continued to speak about the most intimate parts of myself, the counsellor listened without any hint of judgment, offering a safe space for me to explore my feelings and experiences. They reassured me that my struggles were not uncommon and that it was okay to seek guidance in navigating these sensitive issues. Through our discussions, I gradually learned that masturbation itself wasn't the problem; it was the guilt and secrecy I associated with it. The counsellor helped me understand that self-pleasure is a natural part of human sexuality and doesn't define my worth as a person. They encouraged me to embrace a healthier perspective, free from shame. Regarding my relationship issues, the counsellor provided valuable insights into effective communication and the importance of setting boundaries. They taught me that vulnerability and honesty were essential for building strong and meaningful connections with others. I learnt that I could have an open conversation about sexual and reproductive health with my partner.

Healthy Relationship

Over the course of our sessions, I began to feel more empowered and confident. I practised open communication with my partner, discussing my feelings and concerns openly, and was surprised to find that she was understanding and supportive. With time, we learned to view each other’s sexuality in a more positive light. I no longer felt burdened by guilt or shame and instead embraced a healthier approach to self-love and relationships.

Life in the present

Today, I stand more confident in my relationships, knowing that open communication, empathy, and understanding are the keys to a fulfilling connection with others. My journey is ongoing, but I am no longer afraid to face my struggles head-on, knowing that there are compassionate professionals ready to lend a helping hand along the way.


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