Excuses that abusive partners use

Abusive partners tend to be very good at minimizing the severity of their actions by offering excuses and justifications.

Recognizing the false arguments of an abusive partner might help you resist his or her manipulation. 

Here are some of the most common poor excused for abusive behavior.

• “This is what relationships are like.”  Abusive partners often try to take advantage of your lack of dating experience and convince you that abusive acts happen in most relationships.

This is totally false. Certain behaviors might be common in unhealthy relationships, but they don’t happen in healthy relationships that are based on love and respect

• “you are exaggerating. Things aren’t nearly as bad as you say.” Abusive partners typically minimize the seriousness of their actions and accuse you of overreacting. 

Your partner has no right to tell you how you should feel about certain behaviors. Instead, he or she should respect your feelings and change the behavior. Mutual respect is as important as love.

• “It is your fault. You made me do it.” A very common habit of abusive partners is to try to convince you that you are somehow the cause of their inexcusable behavior. 

Sure, some of your qualities or actions might be objectionable, but under no circumstances do they justify abusive behavior. 

• “I wasn’t myself.” Abusive partners sometimes claim that they behaved poorly because they were drunk or under stress and therefore they aren’t responsible for their behavior. 

But this too is an invalid excuse. Many people are stressed and many people drink but only a few of them make a poor choice of abusing their partners. Being abusive is a choice. 

• “I know I am not perfect but being in a relationship means that you should accept my flaws as I accept yours.” No. Being in a relationship means loving and respecting your partner, treating your partner as an equal, and never harming your partner in any way. 

Abuse has nothing to do with love or acceptance. Abuse is about control and lack of respect and it is a flaw that should never be accepted.

• “I know I was wrong, but I act like that because I love you so much.” This is another big lie and an attempt at manipulation.

First of all, love doesn’t justify wrong behavior or make it right. Second, if you truly love somebody, you will never cause that person serious harm. 

• “I will try to change, but without your love, I won’t be able to make it.” This is most likely another attempt to manipulate you. Abusers usually don’t change and these empty promises are often just a way to use your emotions to convince you to stick around. 

Your partner is probably assuming that you won’t have the courage to leave someone who wants to become better and need your help to do it. 

Believe these promises at your own risk and if you do, make sure the abuse is actually stopping. If it continues, it is time to say good-bye