Smith: Rape and Violence.

Dad suspected that I was not his biological son.

My life has not been easy since childhood. Before dad left us, my mum drunk a lot and always fought with dad. She always beat me whenever she was drunk and in a bad mood. Dad suspected I was not his biological son because mum slept around with other men. I grew up watching my parents fight until they eventually separated in 2009, which was the beginning of my suffering.

After the separation, dad moved out with my older siblings and started a new life with a new wife, and I was left with mum. This made me feel like an outcast because I was left alone. Mum was bitter about the separation, which led to her increasing intake of alcohol. She also slept around more and beat me up more. I called dad to ask him if I could stay with him, and he agreed, but my step mum was not happy about this, so she forced dad to rent a separate house for my siblings and me.

Barely surviving

Later, dad took me to Siaya to stay with my grandma. Life was good there, but sadly grandma passed on. After her burial, I continued to stay at her house. Life was not easy, and I barely got financial support from my parents. Once in a while, dad sent me money accompanied by threats, and all I got from mum were abusive words and hurtful names. I had nobody to look out for, and I occasionally thought of ending my life.

The catch 

Eventually, I did my KCPE exams and passed. I joined a local high school but dropped out shortly after because I lacked school fees. I had been saving some money that I received from dad and eventually had enough fare to get me to Mombasa, where my parents lived (separately). None of them welcomed me, so I left and started wandering around, where I met a friendly guy who expressed concern towards me. He seemed sincere and kind, so I agreed to his offer to accommodate me. He used to give me food and money, but the catch was for me to suck his penis. Every night. He told me it was the only way I could pay him back. This went on, and after some time, he raped me—every night. Finally, I had enough and decided to reach out to dad to ask for money to return to Siaya. I did not mention anything about the rape. I was in physical and emotional pain. It was a miracle that he sent me the money. I travelled back and talked to the headmaster of the high school where I had dropped out, and he agreed to give me another chance to start school. 

Darker Days in Life

I had developed a lot of hate towards myself that one day I ingested a deadly pesticide in an attempt to end my life. I woke up days later in the hospital, where the nurse informed me that a neighbour found me passed out and rushed me to the hospital. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life! A counsellor came to talk to me later, and I decided to be honest with her.

“I felt happy for the first time in a long time.”

I told her everything that happened, and she was supportive. We had a few sessions before I left the hospital, and I agreed to be seeing he once after being discharged. Talking to her felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. All that happened was not my fault. For the first time in a long time, I felt happy. I could now focus on school; I made friends, got an after-school job to help me earn some money and eventually did my KCSE exams, passed and got a well-wisher who now supports me through my college education.

 Today, I have the confidence to talk to people, counsel them about life and not give up. I thank God because I am a living testimony.