How can I avoid ejaculating (coming) too soon?
Inexperienced men often reach orgasm way more quickly than they or their partners would like. This is mostly due to an inability to control sexual desire.
On average, men get sexually excited much faster than women do. Shortly after starting foreplay, the majority of men are already supercharged and ready for sex, while the woman is probably still in her warm-up phase.
By the time the woman is ready and willing to move on, the inexperienced man is probably already on the edge of orgasm.
At that point, just a few strokes inside the vagina are enough to trigger orgasm—and sex ends almost before it started, for the man anyway.
How can you try to avoid this problem?
You need to fight the things that bring you to the edge of orgasm before initiating penetration:
- Try to keep your mind away from the constant thought that you are about to have sex.
- Avoid any direct or indirect stimulation of the penis before initiating penetration. That means no rubbing against your partner’s body (dry humping), and no manual or oral stimulation of the penis by your partner.
- Try to focus entirely on your partner. Dedicating foreplay exclusively to the stimulation of your partner will not only help you focus your mind on something other than your desires, but also speed up your partner’s sexual excitement.
- Finally, once penetration has begun, resist any temptation to speed up your in-and-out movement or to mimic the hard banging you might have seen in porn movies.
Instead, keep a slow, constant motion—which, by the way, is how sex is usually done in real life.
The key trick here is to become able to recognize the approach of your orgasm so that you can stop the in-and-out motion to cool down a bit and delay the orgasm.
Once you’re back in control, the movement can start again.
To help push back your orgasm, here are a few additional tricks that you can use in conjunction with the start-and-stop technique:
- Squeeze the muscles of the pelvic floor that stretch from your anus to your urinary sphincter. You can locate these muscles by trying to stop the flow of urine while peeing.
Try to tense these muscles and keep them tense until the sensation of an approaching orgasm recedes.
- Squeeze the top of the shaft of your penis (just below the glans, or head). This method requires you to pull out of the vagina.
You can use the excuse of wanting to change positions, or just be honest with your partner and say that you are getting too aroused and want to last longer.
- Put pressure on your perineum with one or two fingers. The perineum is the area between the scrotum (ball sack) and the anus (butt hole). This can help delay the orgasm.
- Take a break to change positions. Taking your mind off what you are doing, even just for a little bit, can be very helpful.
Just remember to continue stimulating your partner either manually or orally in order to keep her momentum going.
It is crucial to do these cooling-off maneuvers before you get too close to orgasm. Otherwise there will be no turning back.
Here’s a final but very important point: often, once the man reaches orgasm and loses his erection, lovemaking ends.
To all the men out there: don’t follow this trend. This behavior shows not only a total lack of consideration for your partner’s needs and desires, but also a total lack of experience.
Losing your erection doesn’t mean losing your ability to give pleasure to your partner.
You should continue to stimulate your partner manually or orally until she (or he) either feels satisfied and tells you to stop or reaches orgasm.
If you remain engaged in lovemaking, you may find that your erection returns and you can start penetration again.