The Story of My First Love - Fanuel 20 Years

 “We hit off.”

We met when my friends and I were on a trip to Mombasa from our home in Nakuru. We stopped over in Nairobi for a break, and she was introduced to me by one of the friends’ friends who was on the trip with us. She was friendly, and we hit it off. So it is fair to assume that things progressed very quickly, and we ended up liking each other and having such a good time.

I saw the red flags, baby. 

After the trip, we stayed in touch and eventually started dating officially. At this point, I ignored the “red flags” present during the journey, but they finally caught up. She had this habit where she needed to know exactly where I was. One might think it is not a big deal, but it is. She would always call and text even when she knew what I was up to, and she would always insist on being on the phone with me, even when I was hanging out with my friends or family or studying.

Am I the drama?

I started to feel suffocated in the relationship. I am not petty; there was so much more happening. Even when I would tell her where I was, she sometimes told me how I ignored her and didn’t spend enough time with her, which was untrue. When I tried to do better, it would become an even bigger issue because she would insist that I was only making “amends” out of pity and not because I wanted to. This was so confusing. On top of that, she would cry every time I would mention something I wanted to talk about or I felt she had done wrong. I started to see that she was being manipulative.

Mom knows best

I finally realized that we should break up when she called me once, even after I had told her I was visiting my parents in Nakuru, and she started to say that I was ignoring her and asked how I could leave her alone. My mother overheard our conversation and asked me who it was, and I told her everything. She listened and said that sometimes, even when we care for people, it doesn’t mean they are suitable for us. She told me that it is not ideal for me to feel like I am suffocated in the relationship, like I can’t speak up, and that I am always doing something wrong, which made me walk on eggshells.

This is the end for us.

I thought about what she said and proposed that when I returned to Nairobi for school, I would speak to my girlfriend about everything and tell her that we needed things to change or the relationship would not work. I was so nervous when we met, yet I had not done anything wrong. When we spoke, she caused a scene and started to cry because she did not like what I had to say. I decided to tell her then that I couldn’t continue with a relationship without being trusted. It was my first serious relationship, so it was not easy, but I am glad I noticed the red flags and spoke to someone about it because I was miserable.