How exactly do you have penetrative vaginal sex?
- First of all, select a good place—somewhere comfortable where you and your partner can have all the time you need without interruption.
- Next, invest enough time in foreplay—touching, kissing, and sexual stimulation that prepares both partners for sex. Foreplay is important for both partners but particularly for women, who generally need more stimulation to get fully aroused. Without sufficient foreplay, most women find it difficult to enjoy sex and to reach orgasm.
- Make sure you’re both ready for penetration:
- The woman probably won’t have a problem knowing when it’s time to move to the next step—all she has to do is listen to her body.
- By the time she is highly aroused (sexually excited) and lubricated, it’s a fair bet her partner is already more than ready.
- For the man, things are not so obvious. He has probably been ready since the kissing started, but to make sure his partner will enjoy the next phase he has to wait until she is sufficiently aroused.
- The best way for a man to determine whether his partner is ready for penetration (assuming she doesn’t tell him) is to feel her vagina with his fingers to check the level of lubrication.
- If the vagina is well lubricated (wet and slippery), then it’s okay to move on. If not, more stimulation is needed.
- 4. Now it’s time for the man to put on a condom (yes, it’s a must, even the first time) and move into an appropriate position.
For the first few times, consider using a few drops of artificial lubricant in order to make everything smoother. Just make sure you choose a latex-safe lubricant, or you’ll risk damaging the condom.
- The next step is to manually position the tip of the penis at the vaginal opening and then to gently push it forward to initiate penetration.
This part is not as simple as it might seem, given that the vaginal opening is usually hidden behind the labia minora (small lips).
Women can usually place the penis in the right spot (women, if you don’t already know exactly where your vagina is, figure it out now!), but for a man, especially one with limited experience, it’s a much trickier task.
Even if the man has penetrated the vagina with his finger several times without looking, the penis has limited sensitivity compared to fingers, and therefore the feedback the man receives is often unclear and insufficient.
The easiest way around this is to position the penis and initiate penetration just before lying on top of the woman.
The man should use one arm to prop his upper body high enough to allow him to see what he is doing and use the other hand to position the penis.
He should position his penis at the lower end of the small lips (the end closer to the anus), gently press his penis against his partner’s body, and then slowly slide it up a bit.
The combined pushing and sliding motions will open up the small lips and give the penis easier access to the vagina.
If the penis is fully erect and the vagina is well lubricated, the penis should slide in fairly easily as soon as it reaches the vaginal opening.
- It is important to remember that the penis needs to enter the vagina slowly in order to minimize the risk of causing pain to the woman.
The best way to proceed is to slowly move the penis in and out, entering the vagina a bit more every time until the penis is fully in.
- Once the penis is in, the man should start the slow in-and-out motion of the penis that represents the central sexual movement. The woman should follow her partner’s rhythm with her hips.
- Both partners shouldn’t limit their movement to a back-and-forth or up-and-down action. They should also slowly rotate their hips in a way that allows their genitals to rub against each other.
That should provide enhanced stimulation to the clitoris, increasing the woman’s pleasure as well as her chances of reaching orgasm.
- It is important for the man to resist any temptation to speed up his in-and-out movement or to mimic the hard banging he might have seen in porn movies. In real life, the best sex comes from a slow, extended motion.
10. A final tip: Communication between partners is the secret of great sex. So, if you’re unsure whether your partner is enjoying what you are doing, just ask!