Get Informed Topics Sex First Time Sex How should I respond when my partner tries to avoid wearing a condom?

How should I respond when my partner tries to avoid wearing a condom?

Here are some of the most common complaints men use when trying to avoid wearing a condom, as well as some tips on how to respond to them:

  1. It feels awkward and unnatural. This might be true, especially the first few times, but the more a man gets used to wearing a condom, the less he notices it. 

You can tell your partner that according to what you have read, it’s mostly a matter of patience, and he will start noticing the condom less and less. 

You might also add that if he uses a condom, you’ll be more relaxed and able to enjoy and participate in lovemaking, which your partner will definitely appreciate.

  1. It makes me less sensitive, so sex doesn’t feel as good. A condom can cause a small reduction in sensitivity, but again, once a guy gets used to it, things improve substantially. 

You might add that if he is afraid of reduced sensitivity, he could try using extra thin condoms, made specifically to enhance men’s sensitivity. 

Another clever response is that many men don’t mind slightly reduced sensitivity because it helps them last much longer before ejaculating, which increases the pleasure for both of you.

  1. I lose my erection while I’m putting it on. The first few times a guy has sex, when he’s not really used to handling a condom, it might take him a while to put it on. 

This interruption, coupled with worries about appearing clumsy, might soften his erection. Just tell him you’ll help him put it on. 

That way it will be part of the lovemaking, and your touch will guarantee that he’ll stay hard.

  1. Pausing to put it on ruins the moment. Again, this might be true if you stare at your partner while he struggles to put the condom on, but if you do it together there will be no interruption—it’ll be part of your foreplay.
  2. Our first time is special. Let’s not ruin it with this thing. Facing an unwanted pregnancy or catching a sexually transmitted infections (STI) would ruin your first time much more than wearing a condom would. 

Another possibility is to say that without a condom, you know you won’t be able to relax and enjoy sex—and that would really ruin your first time.

  1. I’ll start without it and then put it on. Once you both get really excited, the chances that you’ll remember the condom—and that you’ll actually interrupt what you’re doing to put it on—are slim. 

Also, a condom is much more effective against pregnancy and stis if it’s put on before initiating penetration. 

Remember that you can get infected with an STD through any sexual contact—not just contact associated with ejaculation—and that you can get pregnant from pre-ejaculatory fluid (pre-cum), not just from semen (cum).

  1. It feels so uncomfortable that it almost hurts. Although it might take few times to get used to having a condom on, it shouldn’t feel very uncomfortable, and it definitely shouldn’t hurt. If it does hurt, the condom is probably the wrong size, something that you can easily fix by trying different types.
  2. You’re on the pill, so we don’t need a condom. The pill protects you from pregnancy, but it offers zero protection against stis, including HIV.
  3. Don’t worry. I’ll pull out before I come (ejaculate). Assuming he manages to pull out of your vagina at the right time, you’ll still be at risk of getting pregnant from the small amount of sperm that can be present in his pre-ejaculatory fluid. And again, this strategy offers no protection against stis and HIV.
  4. You’re having your period, so you can’t get pregnant. First of all, although the probability is very low, you can get pregnant if you have sex during your period. 

Second, you’re still at risk of getting an STD or HIV during your period—in fact, for some women, that risk is even higher.

  1. Condoms don’t work anyway. When used properly, condoms are very effective at preventing both unwanted pregnancy and STIs. When it comes to STIs, condoms are the best defense available, apart from abstinence. 

If a condom breaks or slips off, the problem is probably that your partner chose the wrong size.

  1. I don’t have one with me. Assuming your partner didn’t do this on purpose and really forgot to bring a condom, the best way to make sure he doesn’t forget again is to tell him that you won’t be having sex. 

You can enjoy each other in different ways, but avoid penetration completely. Or, if you don’t want to punish yourself for your partner’s mistake, keep a couple of condoms with you, just in case.

Did you learn something?

Top related stories to First Time Sex

Frequently Asked Questions

Male Body

1 questions

See frequently asked questions on Male Body

All about contraceptives

2 questions

See frequently asked questions on All about contraceptives


2 questions

See frequently asked questions on Relationships

Top Topics

Let's Talk

Facts, tips, stories and common questions

Go to Forum