How to help someone in an abusive relationship

If you feel that one of your friends is in an abusive relationship, you should try to do all you can to help him or she get out of the situation. 

The first step is to find a way to bring up the subject. This is a very delicate matter because you don’t know how your friend is going to react.  Your friend might not realize that he or she is in an abusive relationship. 

On the other hand, he or she might realize it but feel too ashamed to discuss it.  It is, therefore, crucial to proceed with extreme caution. 

You can start the conversation on the right foot by saying you really care about your friend and that you are getting the feeling that something is not going well in his or her relationship. 

Add that you want your friend to know that you are there to listen without judgment. Do not apply too much pressure and don’t expect your friend to open up at your first approach 

Even if you have witnessed clear examples of abuse in your friend’s relationship, avoid confrontation. You could easily drive your friend away by saying something like: 

“I saw the way your partner treats you. You are clearly being abused and you have got to do something about it.”

After your first gentle approach, give your friend some time, if nothing happens after a week or so, try a second time, a more direct attempt 

Reintroduce the subject by saying that you don’t want to intrude but you cannot help noticing that your friend looks unhappy, troubled, or distracted. 

If your friend acts as if he or she doesn’t know what you are talking about, go straight to the issue. Ask whether everything is okay in your friend’s relationship and ask a direct question: 

“Is he or she treating you well?”

If your friend asks why you are asking about his or her relationship, you might say that the last few times you have seen them together, there seemed to be more tension than the love between them. 

Before ending your second approach, reassure your friend that he or she is not alone and that people like you care a lot and are willing to provide whatever help might be needed. 

If your friend still doesn’t open up, don’t give up but don’t force the situation either. Now is the time to seek the advice of a more experienced person like an adult, counselor, or family member. Explain the situation and ask for advice on the best way to proceed.

If your friend opens up, listen without judging and then encourage him or her to seek help.  Encourage your friend to get in touch with a professional and say, “if you want, I’ll be with you all the way.”

Finally, tell your friend what they are going through has got nothing to do with them and there is nothing to be ashamed of.