If someone tells you about being abused

If someone tells you about being abused, here are six things you can do and three things not to do.

Six things you can do

1. Listen fully. Listen quietly. Tell them that you believe them.
2. Tell them the abuse is not their fault and they don’t deserve to be abused.
3. Privately express your concern and ask, “How can I help?”
4. Respect their confidentiality.
5. Encourage them to make a safety plan.
6. Help them to find resources – if they want you to

If the person doesn’t want to leave their abusive partner, be patient. Understand that changing or leaving an abusive situation is not an easy process. Let them know that you will be there regardless of their decisions.

Three things not to do

1. Do not over-react. If you act too horrified or shocked, the person may stop talking to you.
2. Do not criticize or blame the abusive partner. If you do, the person who has told you about the abuse may feel forced to defend the abusive partner. The person may believe you think he or she is stupid for being in a relationship with an abusive partner.
3. Do not give advice or suggest what they should do. They may stop talking to you, especially if they do not want to take your suggestions.