What can I do to avoid or reduce pain the first time I have sex?

Many women don’t have great memories of their first time. The pleasure wasn’t even close to what they expected, and many even experienced a mild to moderate amount of pain. 

But that doesn’t mean your first time has to be that way.

The most common causes of pain during first-time sex are the tearing of the hymen or a thin layer of skin that partially reduces your vaginal opening and excessive friction between the penis and the vaginal walls.

In order to minimize pain, you need to address both causes.

As far as the tearing of the hymen goes, the best approach is to prepare yourself in advance. Once you have made up your mind to have sex, start preparing your vaginal opening for penetration. 

Whenever you masturbate, try stretching out your vaginal opening by gently pressing your finger against your vaginal walls. 

After you’ve done this a few times, try inserting two fingers at the same time in order to more closely simulate the girth of an erect penis.

Always remember to move slowly and to stop at the first sign of pain. Also, don’t start the stretching when you first start to masturbate; wait until your level of arousal (sexual excitement) gets pretty high. 

This way, any mild pain will be reduced or even canceled out by the pleasure of masturbation.

As for the possibility of excessive friction between the penis and the vaginal walls, the best way to minimize this risk is to invest enough time in foreplay. 

Extended foreplay will not only increase the chances that you’ll be fully lubricated for penetration, but also help you relax, reducing the likelihood that tension will make your lower abdominal muscles contract—another potential cause of excessive friction.

If after enough foreplay you feel that the lubrication of your vagina is still insufficient (you can find out by touching your genitals), tell your partner that you’re still too dry and suggest that he try oral stimulation. 

The combination of enhanced stimulation and your partner’s saliva should do the trick.

You might also want to use a few drops of artificial lubricant, which you can easily buy in a supermarket or pharmacy or chemist. 

Just make sure to buy a latex-safe lubricant to avoid the risk of breaking the condom.

Finally, when your partner begins inserting his penis in you, don’t let him push too hard. Tell him that the best way to ease himself in is a progressive in-and-out motion, giving the lubricant time to do its job.

And don’t forget to remind your partner that when it comes to sex, slower is better!