My Journey Through Adolescence- Lucy 23

“My self-esteem suffered…”

When I was a teenager, my body started to change. My adolescent stage commenced with a bang. In no time, I experienced significant changes in my body, most notably an increase in my weight. The weight I added made me look bigger than other 13-year-olds. My breasts grew large, and my face was covered in pimples. Due to the sudden increase in weight, I had challenges with walking; many of my schoolmates teased me because of how I looked. One day while I was in class, I got up to go to the restroom. All of a sudden, my classmates laughed at me. I rushed to the restrooms crying, as I did not know why they were laughing. When I reached there, I noticed that there were some blood stains on my dress. I locked myself in a restroom and cried. Kids at school did not want to talk or play with me. The teasing only got worse after my pimples began oozing blood and puss. All these experiences left me feeling embarrassed and unloved. Because I had no friends, I didn’t have anyone to talk to. My self-esteem suffered, and all this resulted in a drop in my grades.

“Maybe the world will be better off without me?”

The isolation and hatred was unbearable. During the long holidays, my parents just questioned me about my grades. I felt alone and unloved. When in school, I cried myself to sleep on most nights or not sleep at all. No one knew the pain I was going through, and I felt like no one would even understand it. Maybe the world would be better off without me. I thought to myself. My suicidal thoughts increased with each passing day till, eventually, I decided enough was enough. I bought some rat poison because I heard it kills within 5 minutes. Unfortunately, my dorm matron found me before I took the poison. She dragged me to the principal's office, and I was suspended. They assumed the rat poison was for another student.

“Sharing with my safe person.”

After the suspension, I didn't go home because I felt my parents wouldn’t help. I went to my aunt’s house, who lived nearby. I felt like she was my only hope. She asked me why I have been sent away from school and I told her the whole story and she was concerned. She told me that the body changes that I was experiencing was normal. She also told me that she knew a counsellor that I could talk about my experiences in school. She promised to pay for everything. For once, there was hope. I agreed to see the counsellor.

“Getting counselling support.”

The sessions with the counsellor went well. She listened to what I had to say and continuously validated my feelings. She mentioned that the changes in my body were part of growing up, and everyone experiences it at different ages. She further mentioned that for some, the experience was mild, whereas for others, it was severe. She introduced me to new routines that I could work apply in my life that would benefit me mentally, physically and spiritually. After our sessions were over, she suggested that I could call or text 1190 when I wanted counselling support, and it was free!

“My message to you”

If you are battling low self-esteem or you know someone who is, help them reach out and find help. When you feel like the world is against you and you feel like you are giving up on life, talk to someone you feel is a safe space for you. Therapy works. It helped me with my self-esteem concerns and my suicidal ideation. It can help you too.