My Journey with Masturbation

"… I kept finding time to masturbate every day…" 

My name is Claudine, and I live in a small town in Migori. When I was 15, I started masturbating. It all began innocently because I was curious. People around me were talking about masturbation, and it was something I had never done; therefore, I wanted to try it out. In the beginning, it was just me exploring my body, nothing much to it but with time, I kept finding time to masturbate every single day until it became an obsession. I struggled to escape from thoughts of masturbating, but it was almost impossible, and this brought a lot of feelings of shame and guilt. I also started isolating myself because it was hard to talk to anyone about what I was going through. I did not think they would understand.

How masturbation affected me

As the habit took hold, my self-esteem vanished, and I withdrew from my friends and family. I no longer had an interest in doing things I loved, and my academic performance suffered. I was often preoccupied with thoughts of masturbation and the feeling I got from it. Deep down, I knew I needed help, but the fear of judgement and rejection kept me imprisoned in my secret battle. I was constantly ashamed and felt that there was something wrong with me. 

Confiding in my sister

One time, I was part of a gathering where the guest speaker talked about masturbation. She shared her experience with masturbation and overcoming her addiction to it. As I listened to the speaker, I thought that she was vulnerable and brave at the same time. She inspired me to start my own journey towards fighting my addiction to masturbation. That night, I mustered the courage to confide in my elder sister Neema about my struggles. She was very non-judgmental and listened to me, which was very comforting. She assured me that she would stand by my side throughout my recovery journey. With Neema's support, I sought professional help from a therapist who specialized in addiction and adolescent counselling.

Getting help

The therapy sessions were challenging but helpful. I understood that addiction was not a reflection of my worth, and I gradually learnt to stop feeling guilty and ashamed. The therapist helped me learn how to cope with my feelings and encouraged me to find healthy outlets for my emotions, such as journaling, painting, and playing music, which I absolutely loved. I also joined a support group tailored to address sexual addiction. The group provided a safe space for sharing, and while attending sessions, I was reminded that I was not alone in my struggle. After a few months, my progress was evident. I became more self-aware, and it was much easier to recognize triggers that would lead me to relapse. The support of my therapist, sister and support group helped me navigate these triggers without falling back into addiction.