Owino: Low Self-Esteem

Are these what relationships look like?

I am Owino, single by choice and happy with that decision.

I grew up in a single-parent household, single mother to be precise. I watched her getting treated badly by my father’s relatives because they were not married. I watched my mother cry and work hard, extremely hard so that we can afford a decent life. This traumatized me because are these what relationships look like?

Forming Bad Habits

I went through adolescence, and I struggled through it because to this day, I have not broken my voice, which contributes to my girlish demeanour. I will admit that I am attracted to both girls and boys although I am more inclined toward boys. However, I hate being gay, and I have issues accepting my sexual orientation. This has affected my self-esteem and self-worth and has left me feeling depressed. I explored watching pornography. After all, I could not form relationships in real life because I felt out of place. This also contributed to my masturbation habit that I am still struggling to stop after two years of watching pornography and masturbating.

Reaching Out for Help

These habits make me feel very embarrassed about myself and fill me with shame. Because of these overwhelming feelings and thoughts, I reached out to a friend who told me about therapy. At first, I thought I don’t have those kinds of problems that need a counsellor because I am not crazy, but this friend sat me down and explained it to me. They informed me that counselling helps everyone if they are willing to be helped and is not only for certain people. I felt encouraged and still unsure because I do not want to tell my secrets to a stranger, but I still tried because I needed help.

Receiving Help

I got in touch with a counsellor on 1190 through texts, and eventually, I started to have sessions on the phone. My counsellor was nice and patient, which made me feel comfortable, and it was easy for me to open up to them. They did not judge and took the time to listen to me; I have improved my self-esteem and self-worth.

My Journey

I still have a long way to go, but I have learned that it is not an overnight process and it is good to be patient with myself. I still do not want to be in a relationship and have learned through my counsellor that that is okay. I have reduced watching pornography and masturbating, and I see the improvement.