Through Counseling I Managed Suicidal Thoughts - Justin 22

My childhood
My name is Justin. There is so much about me that people do not know, including my parents. I have always believed that no one can help me with my problems because I am convinced that many of the challenges I experience now can be traced back to my childhood. I have always felt different from other kids. My dad told me I had epilepsy as an infant, and it was quite a struggle before I got medication that worked for me. Then, when I was three years old, my father remarried. My stepmom was a good woman, but I still felt something was missing despite that. I always wondered what would be different if my birth mother was still around and if the love I experienced from her would be similar to the love I shared with my stepmom. I always felt I didn't experience the love and care, my friends experienced with their biological parents.

"… I was simply not clever…."
I was also born with a short eye site, which means I cannot see items far away or read words at a distance. This was quite a challenge for me growing up, and even in primary school, my teachers thought that I could not read and write, and I, unfortunately, got into trouble at school for being short-sighted. The teachers and students felt I needed to be more clever, which wasn't very comfortable for me.
I grew up introverted, with few friends. I worked so hard to go through high school to college. I fell in love for the first time in my second year of college. I dated this lady, and we were great together. She supported and motivated me to work hard through college and finish school. Unfortunately, she died a few months after I got my first job.

Losing my love
Losing her was hard and depressing, especially because her death was sudden. It was painful to lose someone so close to me. I withdrew from everyone and kept to myself. I started having suicidal thoughts and wondered if things would be better if I were gone. I always trusted God, but this was a trying time, and I questioned His existence.

Help for my suicidal thoughts.
Having studied counselling in college, I managed to find healthy ways to cope with my situation. I knew that since I had suicidal thoughts, I needed to get help. Through counselling, I understood the importance of acceptance. Accepting the loss I had experienced even though it was hard, receiving who I am, and not letting my childhood experiences define me. I learnt that I cannot undo what has already happened. The past is in the past, and it is essential to keep moving on.
I no longer criticize myself and instead practice positive self-talk. I also contact my friends or a counsellor when I need help. I have been opening up more and more, and this made me realize that it is easier to get help and solutions when I share my problems with people I trust.

My message to you
My message to everyone is that help is available from your friends, family, and even a counsellor. When you go through complex life challenges that sometimes lead to depression, you may even begin to have suicidal thoughts, and when this happens, you need to reach out for help to overcome these challenges healthily.